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Just Humor

Ginger Rogers did everything that Fred Astaire did. She just did it backwards and in high heels.    
                    -Ann Richards

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.          -Rita Rudner

I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top.               ~ English Professor, Ohio University

I've learned that wherever I go, the world's worst drivers have followed me there.      ~ Anon.

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.        ~ Lily Tomlin

Life is like a camel; you can make it do anything except back up.         ~ Marcelene Cox

If you drink like a fish, don't drive.    Swim.       ~ Joe E. Louis

You're a good example of why some animals eat their young.         ~ Jim Samuels

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.          ~ Lily Tomlin


Life is an endless struggle of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hairstylist you like.           ~ Anon.

I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records.   What I can't understand is ... if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?        ~ Paul Merton

If you think that there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.            ~Anon.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their diets.        ~ Anon.

I like pigs.  Dogs look up to us.  Cats look down on us.  Pigs treat us as equals.     ~ Winston Churchill

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.          ~Albert Einstein

My mother buried three husbands ... and two of them were only napping.          ~ Rita Rudner


Don't accept rides from strange men, and remember that all men are strange as hell.  

      ~ Robin Morgan

Updated January 2002.